Ha! :)

"It's heinous and wrong- a bunch of painted lunatics pick a random attendee, chase her or him* down with big complicated wind-powered vehicles (some made of nothing more than wire and tape), put her or him inside a satanic muslim cross-altar such as the ancient pagan druids once used, and burn that poor person alive.

You'd think the cops would try to put a stop to it but no: each year more and more cops get in on the action! It's truly depraved. I can't imagine what it would be like to be the poor chosen person. They carry the unsuspecting fool around on a palanquin for awhile and if you try to tell the person, "hey: they're going to burn you alive" then someone comes into your tent at night (you're only allowed to sleep in tents and they can't actually be propped up by anything (there are a lot of rules at burning man)) and puts what looks like sand in your underpants - but it isn't merely sand, oh no, it's poisonous sand that rots your hmm-hmm and makes it smell like wet metal. Truly: horrifying and wrong on every conceivable level.

* Oh yes: many poor women have assumed that only males are burnt but of course this is not the case. The name of the event is a ruse contrived just for that very purpose: luring in burn-thirsty women for the unholy offering to their atheist totems."