This year, walking down the Adapt Street with a couple of friends, we were swarmed by a pack of unicorns. They surrounded [name withheld to protect the innocent] and kept poking at her with their horns, chanting and drum beating until she screamed - convincingly enough - that she believed in unicorns. It was traumatic. Finally and thankfully, they let her go.
Dialogue may be an option. Culling and/or sterilization would seem to be more effective.
I wonder was anyone else attacked by unicorns? Is the BMOrg doing anything to control the growing unicorn problem in BRC?
i hear they keep them in D-lot until an ample amount of yahoos are in the city then they go hunting..
guess your friends were yahoos
not a yahoo among us. just good, honest, hard-working participants wearing our partici"pants".
Were these unicorns invisible and pink?
We could be having an outbreak of gods again.
I was attacked during the burn by unicorns, and strangely enough I was in Hollywood at the time...
> Were these unicorns invisible and pink?
They were shimmering white, some with glowing horns as I recall.
I guess it's the perception . . .and the poking with horns that raises the alarm. Maybe peaceful co-existence is possible (though I am still leaning towards culling and sterilization).
<They were shimmering white, some with glowing horns as I recall.>
They might have been sparkle ponies.
Unicorn control begins with beating them to death with a fucking club as you would a suckling new born seal pup on the Canadian ice.
Why is it that people ask advice on questions having the most obvious fucking answer.
Cheesus.
check out the shirt.woot.com classic t-shirt that shows you how to fix this problem.
shirt.woot.com/Classics.aspx
rainbow colored revolvers
I still would like to see some official intervention from event organizers for safety reasons. I hope the ban against firearms is lifted - at least partially - to allow for the use of rainbow colored guns. Bludgeoning with a club might get one in range of the pokey bit of a unicorn, and to have a long enough club to stay outside that range may be difficult to wield. A ninja star to the eye might be a good way to stun the 'corn to bridge the distance, and swing the club.
Maybe the BRC Rangers could learn from this (Pittsburgh on 9/25/2009:)
www.youtube.com/watch
I keep hearing people think these unicorns are part of some kind of radical self-expression, but what they are doing is _wrong_. It's always a bunch of yahoos who think it's a good idea to pile a bunch of unicorns on their trailer and bring them to Burning Man. Doesn't the gate check this? We should require RFID chips implanted in unicorns (and all animals) so we can track where they came from and bring justice to Black Rock City. Or better yet, set a bunch of unicorns loose on the yahoos in Thunderdome and see how funny they think it is then!
Fuck you, I love you,
---Jason Olshefsky
Unicorns? Unicorns? Don't let me see 'em. There's room for only ONE mammal with the horn up front in BRC....and it isn't a unicorn. Thunderdome, anyone?
www.artcountrycanada.com/image...no.jpg
There was a unicorn at Flipside the year before last.
It was big and beautiful.
Until it was burned to death by the people who brought it.
I was a thing to behold.
Everyone was shedding a tear.
That it didn't happen earlier in the week.
I really like how this collaborative effort has yielded a workable result.
We establish "Unicorn Fun Camp". The first room is the "Unicorn pamper area" where Unicorns are cleaned up. Then they go into the "Unicorn Play Area" where Unicorns are repeatedly fucked by camp members, then led into the "Unicorn Afterglow" area. In the Afterglow area, (assuming rainbow guns are not allowed, which would speed the process and make it more humane) Unicorns take ninja stars to the eyes, are clubbed to death and butchered. In the "Unicorn Wind Down" area Unicorns are barbequed and eaten. Horns are conveniently used as spits, and the bones are recycled into an art project. LNT is gonna be a bitch, but it will be well worth the effort.
I can't wait until the theme camp application comes up on the site!
OMG, LMAO at this whole thread...aside from the rainbow gun, my favorite idea here is the thought of unicorns being killed by stars. I'll never look at a picture of unicorns with rainbows and stars the same way again! From now on unicorns, stars and rainbows will represent violent death! Woooo-hooo!
I was a Unicorn one day, wearing a "I <heart> Virgins" shirt, and only dispensed hugs.
Dammit, can't believe I missed out on the Horn Swarm! Too bad. Nobody ever tells me anything. I think the Uni-Warn iPhone App wasn't working that day.....
Dear hippies,
I am a representative from the herd about which you speak.
www.flickr.com/photos/sgo...3908350774/
We attacked that girl on Adapt, we hunted and slaughtered any zebra we saw in our path, we stampeded the portapotties, and we are not sorry. This was the third year of our assault and while each year we get stronger and more organized, you hippies get drunker. Seriously, it's cute listening to your discussions about how to stop us (don't think we aren't taking notes and putting you all in a file btw) but you know and I know that none of you has the intelligence or the skill to mount a decent counter offensive. Culling? in your dreams, human (dreams which we inhabit and control by the way. We are fucking unicorns). So just accept it, you hippies are all too drunk and too high to do anything about us.
I shall now have to bring a rainbow arsenal to BM2010 and shall hunt all the Unicorns down... And feast heartily. You have been warned.
Culling was only one (albeit very attractive) option. Hopefully this is the start of a dialogue. Maybe we can come up with solutions on how unicorns and people can peacefully co-exist, and perhaps stamp out our mutual enemy, zebras.
Dialogue and this ultimate solution will need to be developed in parallel, and a lot of it depends on unicorn willingness to parlez.
We have come up with a part solution to the LNT problem. The Unicorn Fun Camp will serve up vats and vats of "Mexicorns" (which is, of course, tequila and unicorn blood). Mmm-mm.
www.flickr.com/photos/jef...2845213741/
Anyone remember this thing? The most annoying fucking zebra unicorn ever. DPW spent the better part of 2007 hunting this squealing mongrel half-breed bastard down, to no avail. THIS is why unicorns and zebras must be stopped, for when they mate, they produce the most obnoxious offspring imaginable...
In and of itself it wasn't so bad. It looked neat, had fire, dispensed margaritas out of it's ass. Nice.
But it had a loud highly annoying braying noise, which played CONSTANTLY. The driver would always use the portapotty bank across from our camp too, and leave it running while he was doing his business.
That year I was awful close to hunting it down with a pair of wire-cutters myself.
Be particularly cautious if they ask you to join them on a trip to Candy Mountain:
www.youtube.com/watch
You can't fool me unicorns, I know of your ways!
"i hear they keep them in D-lot until an ample amount of yahoos are in the city then they go hunting"
yeah that's what my buddy at PG&E told me, he said they keep them in their with the more annoying Fratties that are encountered, than they are released for a playa wide hunt.................. if only this were still the danger days............. than hunting them would be MUCH more entertaining, lol
I can attest that no unicorns made it's way past the greeters station between the hours of 8am, and noon on Wednesday this year. If I would of seen one, I'd would of personally reminded it that it is not real and no amounts of glitter and psychotropics would of made it real. So yeah, don't blame the people at the gate or the station.
> Unicorn is the new bunny. Deal with it.
That is exactly what we are doing G. Whenever one thinks of something that needs to be done, and you look around and noone's doing "it", "it" becomes your job, or it does not get done (or maybe it wasn't that important after all).
I sent an email to Larry, but apparently he's too busy to address this concern directly. I expect he may be . . . jeez I don't even know what LH does between events, nor do I claim to be qualified to speculate.
By way of update, the application for "Unicorn Fun Camp" is coming along quite well. I believe there is no way the application will be rejected for lack of interactiveness. I am trying to get around the whole "slaughter" thing which seems to have a negative connotation (though you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter"). To sell the theme camp application, we're going to couch it as a way to "give participants the chance to jump in and help to liberate unicorns of their earthly concerns" backed up with a "kick ass BBQ feed" along with a "bone carving workshop".
I still have a question, though....it seems that in the caption to the picture here:
www.flickr.com/photos/sgo...3908350774/
referred to earlier in this thread, zebras and unicorns are enemies. Please clarify this. Thanks.
It the immortal words of Cher:
Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
<I expect he may be . . . jeez I don't even know what LH does between events, nor do I claim to be qualified to speculate. >
Well, if you're going to be prissy and nice about it, no. It has never stopped me.
Unicorn trivia for 200..... a herd of unicorns is called a ? A surprise! Glad the giraffes are not being implicated!
" To sell the theme camp application, we're going to couch it as a way to "give participants the chance to jump in and help to liberate unicorns of their earthly concerns" backed up with a "kick ass BBQ feed" along with a "bone carving workshop". "
Ya know, durgy, if you're really serious about going through with it, I suggest you use beef ribs to substitute for unicorn ribs. They're just as magical if they're slow smoked and properly slathered with a good molasses-based Kansas City style or brown sugar base St. Louis style sauce after they've been dry-rubbed with the appropriate herbs and spices.
But I put my Rhino-size size 13s down before I'll even THINK about perverting the sauces with mustard. Leave that to the South Carolinians. BLAH!
In this book, the Unicorm Problem is that the unicorns have aids: www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/b/mi...n.htm
I guess beef ribs would be a good back up if we don't find any unicorns, and still wanted to have a BBQ. We wouldn't even need ninja stars and rainbow guns to kill cows.
> Well, if you're going to be prissy and nice about it, no. It has never stopped me.
Fine. My first thought was sacrificing virgins in that castle on the private Caribbean island he purchased with all that extra cash from event admissions.
Whatever decision is made regarding the recipe could you at least consider cooking the ribs next to that obnoxious PeTA camp that shows the slaughterhouse vid over and over?
I'll kick in $$.
Can we get PETA to film us as we cook and broadcast it seconds later? Cause that would be very recursive.
Having a unicorn snuff film up there would give them some new material, and more in line with the magical sense of wonderment of the event. So in addition to ninjas and meat-cutters we're going to need a videographer and a lighting crew.
Practical considerations . . . I love it. The only unicorn recipe I could find (with unicorn as an ingredient) is for a soup:
www.viciousbabushka.com/2009/0...pe.html
I am fairly confident, however, that I a couple of decent marinades that would make cardboard taste good, and therefore should make even the gameiest flesh palatable. I mean how could the meat of a magical creature not taste good?
If anyone has any marinades or rubs with which they've had success when previously preparing unicorn, please post.
durgy, talk to Sail Man.....oh, what the hey.....I gave Sail Man the recipe.
For this year's Tribe meet and greet held at P Cubed Oasis(a big shout out of THANKS to Goatt for setting up the hosting this year. Well done!) Sail Man brought ALLIGATOR.
Gator is traditionally pretty tough and rubbery, being reptilian, but he used an old wild game recipe that I gave him, and have been using forever on various tough things to make them palatable. Two marinades are involved. First - - soak the meat in vinegar for 48 hours. Then, switch liquids. Instead of using vinegar (which breaks down some of the cartilage and any minor bones) marinate in tequila. Yeah, good old Vitamin T. Gets rid of a lot of the vinegar taste. Also, add to that: a clove of garlic, a finely diced 1-pound onion, and about half a cup of chopped cilantro.
This should handle any unicorn with no problem. We should get kenrom, one of the Hawaii contingent, to do any meat carving that's involved. He has stellar credentials:
people.tribe.net/kenrom/ph...1a7f32f98d
See what I mean?
